7 reasons not to mess with children
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now,class, if I stood on my head,
the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a
human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him ".
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,
"Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes
at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several
strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your
hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and
make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up
and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a
doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now,class, if I stood on my head,
the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the
face.."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary
school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a
large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the
apples.
Stupid Math question of the day!!!
I wrote a post a couple days ago entitled "Who is your role model" It was sent to me from my 3rd born son Troy in the spirit of funny. I in turn posted it here in the spirit of funny. However one of my readers and a couple of my friends explained to me that they knew I was going to be the #9 before they even scrolled down. I would love to know how they knew this.
I am the master to mathematical illiteracy. I should be the poster child to "Why it is important to learn math" Over at King Al’s Thoughts of the Day he occasionally runs a post that he calls "Stupid math question of the day" Let me tell you , one ought to just cut the middle man and put my face there.
Always excellent in school, I mean for the most part I was a B+ to A student, except math. Since I did so well in other subjects I believe that one of two things occurred for me. I was always blessed with excellent teachers whom made learning fun. EXCEPT, (I kid you not when I tell you) the two math teachers I had in high school were like this. One a female approximately 110 years old, stood 4 feet 10 inches tops and walked around the classroom with a pointer that she used as a stick. She would walk around and SLAM that stick on to your desk and scare the shit right on out of you. The other was a man. Probably in his 30's who spoke monotone. Now first not being good at math and then to have it taught to me by a man that had no exclamation in his voice made it down right boring!!! boring!!! and did I mention boring!!! Add to that in my day to graduate high school you only need have basic math. For the most part had ANY of my other teachers who taught me throughout my life taught math I perhaps would have learned a little something.
So , I am asking a math question on this Christmas day. How does it work out that the numbers always end up being #9 in the post I am speaking of.
Please I have no shame in being the stupid , in stupid math question of the day or any other way of finding out, what I am sure is a very simplistic answer. Any teachers out there want to help a 50 year young student?????
I bet there are those that are thinking"Why does she not just google it?" Well the answer to that my friend is I would not even know where to start!
Yup STUPID is a nice term in reference to me and math.
Also just a bit of irony in all this. Working with wood like I do with scroll work and especially intarsia, math is such a vital part of the whole process. So if there are any kids reading this, there is truth that YOU DO need math in all that you do, even a little woodworking on the side.
I am the master to mathematical illiteracy. I should be the poster child to "Why it is important to learn math" Over at King Al’s Thoughts of the Day he occasionally runs a post that he calls "Stupid math question of the day" Let me tell you , one ought to just cut the middle man and put my face there.
Always excellent in school, I mean for the most part I was a B+ to A student, except math. Since I did so well in other subjects I believe that one of two things occurred for me. I was always blessed with excellent teachers whom made learning fun. EXCEPT, (I kid you not when I tell you) the two math teachers I had in high school were like this. One a female approximately 110 years old, stood 4 feet 10 inches tops and walked around the classroom with a pointer that she used as a stick. She would walk around and SLAM that stick on to your desk and scare the shit right on out of you. The other was a man. Probably in his 30's who spoke monotone. Now first not being good at math and then to have it taught to me by a man that had no exclamation in his voice made it down right boring!!! boring!!! and did I mention boring!!! Add to that in my day to graduate high school you only need have basic math. For the most part had ANY of my other teachers who taught me throughout my life taught math I perhaps would have learned a little something.
So , I am asking a math question on this Christmas day. How does it work out that the numbers always end up being #9 in the post I am speaking of.
Please I have no shame in being the stupid , in stupid math question of the day or any other way of finding out, what I am sure is a very simplistic answer. Any teachers out there want to help a 50 year young student?????
I bet there are those that are thinking"Why does she not just google it?" Well the answer to that my friend is I would not even know where to start!
Yup STUPID is a nice term in reference to me and math.
Also just a bit of irony in all this. Working with wood like I do with scroll work and especially intarsia, math is such a vital part of the whole process. So if there are any kids reading this, there is truth that YOU DO need math in all that you do, even a little woodworking on the side.
Am I too old to go back to school?
I am 50 years young. I do not want a degree. I have no plans on graduating anything. I simply am thinking about going to college. I live 25 miles from Lassen Community College in Susanville, California .There are a couple of courses that really interest me.
One is English 103 Introduction to Basic Writing.
There is 2 hours lecture/3hours lab
The description is ; Introduction to the basic skills needed for clear written expression at the paragraph level. Students will explore basic grammar, sentence structure, and paragraph organization. The emphasis of the course is to provide in-class practice in small group settings on topics drawn from the student's personal experiances and too provide practice in supporting a main idea with specific details.
First of all I feel like I would have at least 30 or more years of life experiances than the average student. LOL!!!
But seriously though I would love an honest opinion. What you would think if you took such a course and there was a 50 year young woman sitting next to you?
Would you want to be in a group with me? Would you think I was an ass for even being there? Would you say Go Grandma Go!!!! ?
All of this sudden interest is because I have always loved school, but it kind of got cut short due to having a son at the age of 16. From then on I was just MOM until 2 years ago when the youngest turned 18 and flew the coop.I am not saying I could not have furthered my education all those years but it was just the way it went!
I also found a Black and White photography class I am truly interested in. Soooo If anyone reads this I really want to know what YOU think! Would you want to be a part of a group of people with one of them my age but not with the aim of doing something with this course for a career. (This is a prerequisite course for journalism students)
Or should I just move to Texas and take the course there. For an extremely interesting article about schooling check this out .
This comes from King Al's thought's of the day!
Any thoughts on this I would love to hear.
School actually starts this monday August 18th!Oh I thought I would add, my oldest son AND his wife are both teachers (and both with masters in teaching) along with one of my sons is continuing his education to become a teacher. I also have a brother (out of two (2) ) and his wife that are also teachers!
(Just a little bit of bragging rights going on here)
