A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female
teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack, (Churchill
Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry
(Bourbon), but mostly to see the horses.
 
 When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided
that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the
other. 
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room
when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could
reach the urinal.
 Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants,
and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their
'wee-wees' to direct the flow away from their
 clothes . As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was
unusually well endowed.
 
 Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, 'You must be
in the 5th grade.'

 'No, ma'am', he replied. 'I'm riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race,
but I appreciate your help.'

  Two  women were sitting together, quietly.

Bubba had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the bar on the far side for their first legal drink. So when Bubba's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Jim Bob took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Bubba stepped out of the boat... and nearly drowned! Jim Bob just barely managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Bubba went to see his grandmother. 'Grandma,' he asked, 'it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my pappy, his father, and his father before him? Granny looked deeply into Bubba's troubled eyes and said, 'Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were born in January, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in July, you frickin' idiot.'

This comes form my buddy Odie!

A professor at the University of Mississippi was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know  what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'   She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'   It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

Try it without looking at the answers......Please don't look down until you do it, you'll love it I promise !

GET A CALCULATOR (YOUR COMPUTER HAS ONE ON IT)

1) Pick your favorite number between 1-9

2) Multiply by 3 then

3) Add 3, then again Multiply by 3 (I'll wait while you get the
calculator....)

4) You'll get a 2 or 3 digit number....

5) Add the digits together

Now Scroll down ..............





Now with that number see who your ROLE MODEL is from the list below:

1. Einstein


2. Nelson Mandela


3. Abraham Lincoln


4. Helen Keller


5. Bill Gates


6. Gandhi


7. George Clooney


8. Thomas Edison


9. Moon-Writer, A.K.A. Allison the author of this blog!!!

10. Abraham Lincoln


I know....I just have that effect on people....one day you too can be like me.... :-) Believe it!


Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol, just deal with it!!!!
Merry Christmas,

Sarcasm or reality, I guess it would depend on who you ask. I received this from my friend John to put on my other blog This too shall pass (thru). I just had tp post it here also. Wow, what a message huh?
Peace!!!
Allison


Good advice.


.....so, how goes YOUR retirement planning?????

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
now

be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1, 000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

If you had purchased $1,000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have


$49.00 left

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
all

the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling

REFUND, You would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
heavily

and recycle.

It's called the 401-Keg Plan.